Body Image Isn’t Just About Looks: Here’s Why

When people hear the words body image, they often think about appearance: whether someone likes the way they look, feels confident in certain clothes, or wishes some part of their body were different.

But body image is rarely just about appearance.

The way we experience our bodies can become intertwined with identity, belonging, control, safety, relationships, self-worth, and the messages we have absorbed throughout our lives. For some people, these experiences are part of an eating disorder or patterns of disordered eating. For others, food and eating may not be a significant concern at all, yet discomfort with their body can still take up far more emotional space than they would like.

To understand body image, look past the mirror and becoming curious about what the body has come to represent. Read more about body image here, or contact our skilled and compassionate therapists in Sacramento to book a consultation in person or online. We would be happy to work with you.

What Is Body Image?

Body image includes more than whether you think your body looks “good” or “bad.” It encompasses the thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and perceptions you have about your body, as well as how comfortable you feel living in it.

You may feel relatively accepting of your body in one season of life and much more critical of it in another. Your body image may shift depending on your mood, relationships, stress level, health, age, social environment, or what is happening around you.

And sometimes the distress that gets directed toward the body is connected to something deeper.

A thought such as I hate how I look might also carry feelings like:

I don’t feel good enough.

I don’t feel comfortable being seen.

Something about me needs to change.

If I looked different, maybe I would feel more confident.

If I could control my body, maybe everything else would feel more manageable.

These beliefs can become so familiar that we stop noticing the emotional experiences underneath them.

Our Bodies Often Become a Place Where Other Feelings Land

Bodies are tangible. They can be measured, compared, evaluated, changed, hidden, and scrutinized.

Emotions are often much harder to make sense of.

When life feels uncertain, relationships feel painful, or we feel disconnected from ourselves, focusing on the body can sometimes create the illusion of having something concrete to solve.

Instead of I feel overwhelmed, the thought becomes I need to get back in shape.

Instead of I’m struggling with getting older, it becomes I hate what is happening to my body.

Instead of I don’t feel confident in this relationship or social setting, it becomes I would feel better if I looked different.

This does not mean body image concerns are imaginary or that appearance never matters to us. It means our relationship with our bodies can become a container for emotions that extend well beyond appearance.

Body Image Is Shaped Over Time

No one develops their relationship with their body in isolation. We absorb messages about bodies from family members, peers, partners, healthcare providers, social media, advertising, cultural expectations, and the communities we belong to. Some messages are explicit. Others are subtle.

Perhaps you grew up hearing adults criticize their own bodies or talk frequently about dieting. Maybe your appearance was praised in ways that taught you being thin, attractive, athletic, or put together was especially important. You may have experienced teasing, bullying, comparison, discrimination, unwanted attention, or comments about your weight or shape.

For others, body image may be influenced by cultural expectations around gender, beauty, sexuality, race, aging, ability, pregnancy, parenthood, or what a body is “supposed” to look like.

Over time, these experiences can become internalized, and what started as someone else’s opinion can begin to sound like your own voice.

Sometimes Body Changes Bring Up More Than We Expect

Bodies change throughout life. That is unavoidable, but it is not always emotionally simple.

Puberty, pregnancy, postpartum recovery, fertility treatment, illness, injury, medication, aging, changes in activity level, stress, and countless other experiences can alter how a body looks or feels.

Even changes that are completely normal can bring up grief, vulnerability, or a sense of unfamiliarity.

You might know intellectually that your body is allowed to change while emotionally struggling with what those changes mean.

For someone navigating pregnancy or postpartum, for example, body changes may exist alongside enormous shifts in identity, sexuality, autonomy, and relationships. For someone recovering from an illness or injury, changes in strength or ability may bring up feelings about independence or loss. Aging can confront us with cultural messages about desirability, relevance, and worth.

Sometimes the work is not simply accepting how your body looks. It is making sense of what has changed and what that change represents to you.

When Body Image Becomes Connected to Self-Worth

One of the most painful aspects of body image distress is how easily appearance can become confused with value.

A difficult body image day can start to feel like evidence that something is wrong with you.

You may notice your confidence changing depending on how you think you look. A number on the scale, a photograph, the fit of your clothes, or a comparison to someone else may have the power to alter your mood for hours or even the rest of the day.

For some people, these experiences are accompanied by restrictive eating, binge eating, compulsive exercise, frequent body checking, or other behaviors associated with eating disorders or disordered eating.

For others, the signs may be less obvious.

You might avoid photographs. Spend a long time deciding what to wear. Compare yourself constantly to other people. Pull away from intimacy. Avoid swimming, exercising in public, or attending certain events. Feel preoccupied with how others perceive you. Or postpone parts of your life until you feel better about your body.

Body image difficulties do not have to meet criteria for an eating disorder to be painful or deserving of attention.

The Goal Doesn’t Have to Be Loving Your Body Every Day

Body positivity has helped challenge many harmful cultural messages, but the idea that we should always love our bodies can create another expectation to live up to.

You are allowed to have complicated feelings about your body.

For many people, a more realistic goal is developing a relationship with their body that is less critical, less consuming, and less connected to their overall worth.

That might mean noticing a negative body thought without automatically treating it as a fact.

It might mean wearing clothing that fits the body you have today rather than using discomfort as motivation to change it.

It might mean participating in something meaningful even when you do not feel completely confident in how you look.

It might mean questioning where a particular body rule came from and whether you still want to live by it.

And sometimes it means learning to experience your body as more than something other people can see.

Your body is also the place from which you experience connection, movement, pleasure, rest, emotion, comfort, creativity, and the world around you.

Getting Curious About What’s Underneath

If body image has become a source of distress, it can be helpful to move beyond the question, How do I make myself like my body?

Instead, you might begin asking:

What tends to be happening when my body image becomes worse?

Whose standards am I using when I evaluate myself?

What do I believe looking different would give me?

When did I first learn that my body needed to look a certain way?

Do I treat my body differently when I am anxious, lonely, overwhelmed, or feeling out of control?

What experiences do I avoid because of how I feel about my body?

What would become possible if appearance occupied a little less space in my life?

The goal of these questions is not to uncover a single explanation. Body image is complex, and there may be many layers to your experience.

But curiosity can begin to create some distance between I dislike my body and therefore my body is the problem.

Therapy for Body Image in Sacramento and Across California

Therapy can provide a place to understand the experiences, relationships, beliefs, and emotional patterns that have shaped the way you relate to your body.

For some people, that work is part of eating disorder recovery. For others, it may involve anxiety, perfectionism, self-esteem, identity, trauma, relationships, life transitions, pregnancy or postpartum changes, or simply wanting to spend less time evaluating and criticizing themselves.

At Embrace Therapy & Marriage Counseling, Elnour Eilkhani, LMFT, works with clients navigating eating disorders, body image concerns, anxiety, depression, grief, cultural identity, and intergenerational experiences. Her work creates space to explore not only behaviors around food and the body, but also the emotional and relational experiences underneath them.

Montana Knapp, LMFT, also works with eating disorders and body image concerns, with particular experience supporting clients through pregnancy, postpartum changes, infertility and miscarriage, parenting stress, anxiety, and depression. Her work can be especially helpful when changes in the body intersect with major transitions in identity and relationships.

If your relationship with your body is taking up more of your life than you want it to, you do not need to have an eating disorder diagnosis—or even know exactly why you are struggling—to explore it in therapy.

Embrace Therapy & Marriage Counseling offers in-person therapy in Sacramento and virtual therapy throughout California. Visit our therapist profiles to learn more about Elnour, Montana, and our team, or contact us to find the therapist who may be the best fit for you.